Points of View

I have been thinking over the past several months about how my views on many issues have changed or been altered due to my new status as mother.

1. (I know this could open a can of worms) My view on abortion. I have never thought it was right, but I was somewhat ambivalent about it. I still don't think the government should be codifying morality (I feel very strongly about that aspect) but just the thought of abortion (even the word) effects me physically, in a way that it never has before.

2. My view on feminism. (Again another can of worms). At one point in my life I had no desire to be at home and thought any woman who did was selling herself short. Now, there is no place I would rather be, than at home raising my little girl. There are some very militant feminists who think that no woman should stay home with their children (and apparently I was one of those women) but now I see the feminist movement in a different light. I now see it as being about allowing women to make choices instead of being forced one way or the other. What gets me upset are the women who feel that they are entitled to something, that they don't have to choose because they can have it all. What some women forget is there are consequences for our choices. Personally I choose to work fewer hours (therefore making less money) so that I can spend more time with my child. That is my choice.

3. My view on sleep. While I used to think sleep was a necessity I have come to view it as more of a luxury. My baby girl is a great sleeper but I have found that doesn't really matter, I will never sleep as soundly as I did before she was born.

4. My view on breasts. It had always been my desire to breastfeed, but before I actually did it, I viewed my breasts as being my own. Now I no longer see them that way...they no longer belong to me they are now Alyanna's...at least until she is weaned. I don't think I will ever view them in a sexual way again, but that's okay with me...mine were never that great anyway.

I guess this is just the start of how my views have changed...I could go on and on...maybe I should make this a recurring post.

Read more...

Desending into Maddness and Our Merry-Go-Round

This post has been extremely hard to write. I have posted it and taken it down several times, I think it's important though.

I open my eyes every morning a little giddy and very anxious. I am not the one with an anxiety issue though (or at least I don't think I am) it is my husband. I am anxious because I never know what kind of day we are going to have. At times I feel like me being anxious about his anxiety is making his anxiety worse and here we go again on this merry-go-round.

Webster's Dictionary defines Anxiety: As an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.

Anxiety came to rule our lives while I was pregnant. A very difficult and dangerous pregnancy results in a very anxious daddy. This anxiety was understandable and even expected, when your wife and your unborn baby are in the hospital for weeks at a time it tends to illicit some anxiety. However, after everything settled out and we all came home the anxiety didn't stop it just grew and grew and grew.

Like a proactive wife I suggested we go see our doctor. (We have a great doctor who listens and takes the time to answer all questions). Anyway, the conclusion was to prescribe anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants. The medications worked, for a time, they worked until...well meaning family members convinced my husband to stop taking his medication, because according to them mental illness isn't an illness its a personal failing. What did my husband think..."I'm feeling better...I can stop my medication." This is where our world descended into our own chaos.

I had no idea what would happen when a person abruptly stops taking anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication. We had blackouts, severe depression, mood swings, physical shaking, etc. I thought I was going out of my own mind. I had an infant to take care of, how could I possibly deal with this too? How could I compete with and counter all the negative messages my husband was getting? How are we going to get through this? Through all of this my anxiety grew. I now worry about what mood we were going to be in that day. I worry about whether my husband is going to blackout and not remember what he has said and done. I worry about whether he has taken his medication. I just worry, and my worry feeds his worry/anxiety.

I have begged, I have threatened, I have cried, I have withdrawn, I have gotten angry and I have cried some more, but we still go round and round and where we stop...I don't know. I don't know how this will end...but I think I'm going to end up with an anxiety problem before we find the answer.

Read more...

Does Maternity Leave Harm Our Careers?

This is an article from the ABA Journal Weekly Newsletter:

Jack Welch: Women Take Time Off for Kids at Their Peril
Posted Jul 16, 2009,
By Debra Cassens Weiss
Former General Electric CEO
Jack Welch thinks women who take time off for family are making a risky career move. Speaking to Human Resource Management at its annual conference on June 28, Welch said women who take time off for family could be passed over for
promotions if they are “not there in the clutch,” the Wall Street Journal (sub. req.) reports.

“There's no such thing as work-life balance," Welch said. "There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences." Welch said women who take time off can still "have a nice career," but their chances of reaching the top are smaller, according to the Wall Street Journal account. "We'd love to have more women moving up faster," he said. "But they've got to make the tough choices and know the consequences of each one."

The Am Law Daily noted the story and interviewed a
lawyer with a different viewpoint. Chantal Kordula, a partner at Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton, told the publication that she took off five months after the birth of each of her three children, and still made partner, albeit in a longer time frame.
She went back to a full schedule when she returned to
work, but sometimes fits in afternoon parenting duties, according to the Am Law Daily. "You just need to do what works for you and let the chips fall where they may," she told the publication.

Personally I believe this country doesn't get how important developing and nurturing a mother/child bond is. However, I totally understand that I have choices to make, and those choices have consequences. I am not so naive to believe that I truly can have it all and someone not pay the price for my choices (namely that would be my daughter paying that price). I am just so very grateful that I have those choices, when not too long ago my path in life would have been chosen for me. For me, I "chose" to take a little time off (I use the word "chose" loosely as I was on bedrest for 4.5 months and of that could not work at all for 1 of those months), I also took 10 weeks off after Alyanna's birth. I am now working a modified schedule and have taken a reduction in salary. This allows me to continue to pursue my career and give me the ability to be fully present in my daughters life. The consequences for me (the reduction in salary and increased time to make partner) are worth it, because I am giving Alyanna the best start I can and still maintaining my own aspirations.

Read more...

First Solid Foods

Last week our pediatrician said it was okay to start Alyanna on some solids, basically rice cereal. However, I didn't think I was ready. I love being her sole source of nutrition, it's weird and probably a first time mom thing. But the past couple of nights Alyanna has been waking up several times wanting to eat. So I thought maybe a little cereal would keep her full longer. I'm pretty sure none of the cereal made it into her belly but it was funny watching her daddy feed her. We'll try again tomorrow.

Read more...

Six Minutes

I am reviewing my billible time for last week and started reflecting on the billible hour. A good portion of my day is divided into 6 minute increments. You may ask what can you possibly get done in 6 minutes? The answer is very little but I still must account for each and every 6 minutes. The life of being a slave to the billible hour. It's better for my clients...there are some attorneys who bill in 15 minute increments, so if what I'm doing takes 18 minutes then my client is billed a 0.3 hr, if I billed in 15 minute increments that 18 minutes would be billed at a 0.5 hr. I know it sounds like I'm splitting hairs but it adds up. It's just that having to account for every 6 minutes can at times be somewhat overwhelming, but its how I get paid so it is a necessary evil. There are some days I just wish I could get the task done and not worry about how many minutes it took.

Read more...

4 Months Old Today!

When did bald, fat and toothless get to be so perfectly beautiful?

Read more...

How did this happen?

I know exactly how Alyanna ended up in bed with me...I'm a big softy! She had gotten her vaccinations and I just couldn't bear putting her to sleep by herself. Hopefully she won't get too upset when I put her in her own bed tonight.

Read more...

Disturbing

Today I saw this very disturbing commercial of a mother napping on a couch with her infant and the result is that the baby wasn't breathing when the mom wakes up. I feel this is somewhat misleading. It is perfectly safe and healthy to co-sleep with a baby, if done properly. Alyanna and I were co-sleeping up until last week. We didn't stop co-sleeping for fear of suffocation or SIDS but because she has been sleeping through the night for over a month and I felt it was time. I believe co-sleeping has enhanced my bond with Alyanna and improved our breastfeed outcome. Don't get me wrong we took precautions to ensure we couldn't roll over on Alyanna or have her over heat. We used a Snuggle Nest and it has worked so well. I am just afraid that commercials like these are just so scary that other women won't do their own research. See http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout1.asp, http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/co_slepping.html and http://www.cosleeping.org/ for more information.

Mothers seem to be told what to do instead of being given options, and if you don't do what you are told you are a bad mother. If I didn't know better and I had watched that commercial I probably wouldn't have even tried co-sleeping, even knowing what I know the commercial makes me sick to my stomach.

I am now stepping down from my soap box.

Read more...

Mama Trauma!!!

Alyanna moved into her crib Friday night. The trauma wasn't with her....it was with me. I have been so happy with co-sleeping that I really didn't want for it to end. It has been so wonderful waking up to her happy face every morning! Now I'm just stuck waking up looking at her daddy's back :(.

She made the transition almost seamlessly. She went to sleep at 9:15pm and only woke once at 3:30am, ate and went right back to sleep until 8:20am!!!! I just already miss her in bed with me, but I think in the long run we are doing the right thing so the transition is not a trauma for her. All I can say is thank goodness for the Snuggle Nest, I really think this is why the transition wasn't too hard on her.

Alyanna in her crib with the Snuggle Nest.

Mommy's sleeping angel.

Read more...